Reconnecting

My man and I have been having some rough spots in the last few years.  Lately the arguments have been almost daily, even while he is away working.  This last time he was home from work, (for 2 weeks), we didn’t get along hardly at all.  I hate airing our dirty laundry but maybe it will give some hope to others along the way.  It is so hard to marry a second time and when you add your own kids from previous relationships it is a thousand times more difficult.  Communication is key and we don’t do that very well, but we are not against trying to learn how to improve.

  Last night we didn’t have the kids, (for the first time in over a month), and our counselor encouraged us to make it a special date night.  I wasn’t too excited since I hadn’t been feeling too fond of him lately.  But he took it upon himself to make it a great night in the midst of our mutual depression. 

Neither of us had ate all day, and really didn’t “feel” like eating, but we decided to cook anyways.  He opened a bottle of wine.  I cooked some Anaheim and bell peppers mixing in some leftover steak and he added some cheese on top.  It tasted fabulous.  We talked a bit but didn’t quite know what to do with ourselves after that.  He poured us the rest of the wine and drew me a warm bath.  He knows how much I love to soak on colder days.  And it had been chilly and stormy.  He was talking about his work and then joked about needing to “work away” so he could put food on the table.  I added in, “and wine in our bellies.”  He thought that was hilarious and for the first time in a long time, I actually laughed with him.  It felt so good that he appreciated something I said.  For the longest time I have felt like I no longer have a voice in my own household and nothing I do or say is appreciated or valued.  Suddenly, I realized that it is because our typical conversations never stray from household duties and the kids.

Later about 10 pm, he spontaneously told me to get my shoes on and to absolutely NOT touch my hair or makeup, (I was ready for bed and looked a bit too natural for my comfort out of the house).  I asked why and he said just do it please.  He then asked if I would go lock up our chickens while he got ready.  I snuck in to put on some makeup really quick but got caught.  He grabbed the makeup brush, put it down and said, “you already look gorgeous, now go get ready!” 

I reluctantly went out back to put the chickens away and realized I hadn’t collected the eggs for the day.  By the time I got back inside he was ready to go.  I asked where we were going but he refused to tell me.  It was exciting and I was anxious to find out what he had planned for us.  He stopped in at the Walgreens and pulled in by a Redbox.  I thought for sure that was what he was after when he told me to stay in the car.  But he walked right on by the machine and into the store.  I had accidentally left my phone and purse at home in the rush.  Feeling bored waiting, I decided to read some mail that I found in the car.  Consumed by all the cute clothes in a catalog, I hardly noticed him until he opened the door and threw a bag in the back seat just out of my sight.  As he got in I asked him, “So, what’d you buy?” 

“You’ll find out soon.”  He said smiling.

“Will you tell me where we are going?”

“You’ll see.”  He drove quickly as if we needed to catch the sun setting even though it was already down and there were clouds in the sky.  As we hit the freeway he said, “too bad it’s not raining anymore.”  I laughed, “raining?  Where are we going that we want it to rain?”

“I don’t really know,”  he said.  I didn’t believe him.  We drove out towards Micron and took the exit to go towards Idaho City.  We pulled in at the Lucky Peak Lookout.  He told me, “I thought we would be alone here but it looks like this is a popular place.”  We got out of the car and crossed a newly built fence. He took my hand and told me that this area is a bit dangerous especially in the dark. We walked down to look out on the cliffs over the Lake.    We sat down when he determined we were in a good spot.  He fumbled with the keys and some change in his pockets for quite some time.  We heard some swooshing noise and he asked if I knew what it was.  I didn’t.  He told me it was a night hawk diving in the sky.  Then we heard a fish jump out of the water and both said it at the same time.  We heard another car pull up and laughter as some kids thought they were the only ones to jump the fence and find a secret spot.  We laughed and enjoyed our own secluded place.  Then he grabbed my left hand.  I hadn’t been wearing my wedding ring and at that moment I felt embarrassed and ashamed.  He had brought it in his pocket and slipped it on my finger.  Then he put his ring in my hand.  I was shocked and asked if he hadn’t been wearing his either.  He looked sad as he said, “I noticed you hadn’t been wearing your ring but this morning I realized we were probably at the point of no return.  So I took it off.  I thought you were looking for places to go.”

“I was.” I admitted.  I had been thinking we were done as well.  Luckily we have an excellent marriage counselor and we both found an inkling of hope left in us.

I put his ring back on his finger. I know that the kids can sense our frustrations and arguing but I felt so sad wondering if they had noticed neither one of us was wearing our rings as they left us that day.  I vowed to continue to wear it no matter what.  I got cold quickly so we walked back to the car hand in hand.  He drove me to the boat dock and parked right up at the water.  We got out and walked down the docks.  As we got back in the car I asked him what was in the bag that he bought at the store.  He pulled out a ton of junk food.  He said, “I know you haven’t wanted this around the house but I couldn’t resist tonight.” 

I laughed and said, “we really could have used this last week while we were camping.”  We both had a bad sugar craving then and regretted not bringing any candy.  We had been pretty grumpy about it.  Poor guy has done so well eating all the health food I buy and agreeing not to buy any more “junk.”  All to suit my needs. We only needed to eat one mini candy from each bag that he bought before we were sick from it.  (I was quite literally but it was so worth it).  We had a wonderful date night and vowed to do it more. 

On the drive home, I saw something in the sky so he pulled over.  It was a floating lantern.  We had lit them last time he was home with a friend who had just lost her dad.  She had thought of me and brought another for my grandpa who also recently passed away.  We wrote notes to our loved ones on the paper, lit the spot inside and let them float away over a pond.  It felt so special so we sat and watched this one. I pondered the meaning and realized no matter whose it was or what it was for, it was there for us to see and enjoy as well. I imagined all my thoughts of our rocky past to float up with it, as it flickered in the clearing night sky until it faded away. And we continued home to start anew, to try again.